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Don’t interpret the anxiety or discomfort caused by the unfamiliarity of emotional health with a lack of romantic potential and don’t confuse that queasy, heady, heart pounding in your ears sensation when thinking about abuser du jour with chemistry.
The “crazy chemistry” is just your unconscious recognizing the opportunity to have yet another go on the Crazy scary-go-round.
What old childhood wound, trauma or rejection are you trying to heal?
Understanding this is essential when trying to break your attraction to unhealthy and abusive women. Recognize that what’s familiar isn’t necessarily good and that anxiety about what’s unfamiliar isn’t necessarily bad.
In order to break your unhealthy attractions and relationship patterns, you need to combine your new found insight with real life action, gain more self-awareness about your own relationship beliefs, fears and behaviors and start making different choices. Crazy-proofing is what every man or woman should do after ending a relationship with an abusive partner. If you answered “yes” to these questions, you probably have some thinking errors regarding what constitutes healthy adult relationships.
Crazy-proofing involves taking proactive steps to break your pattern of abusive relationships, learning to recognize the warning signs of an abusive personality before you’re in too deep and making the conscious decision to walk away instead of becoming a moth to the flame of Crazy yet again. Identify and understand what attracts you to abusive women and what makes you an easy target. You may not even be aware of what your relationship beliefs are until you take the time to think about them. Taking abusive, crazy nonsense from this kind of individual, even once, is like being sprayed by a cat. When you let this type of woman set a precedent for bad behavior early on in a relationship, she will go if you dare assert your rights to be treated decently later on.
A former client described it as “missing that old crazy chemistry;” he had the crazy part right.
Remind yourself that healthy women who want to be in relationships don’t play games, jerk you around and create obstacles to being with them nor do they pressure you to let them move in with you after the first date.
You’re attracted to abusive women because they’re familiar and, therefore, comfortable, but familiarity isn’t a good thing in this case. You want to be in a healthy relationship, but miss the adrenaline rush from the drama and conflict.
The rush or chemistry is really about the desire to have an emotionally corrective experience (i.e., being accepted and loved for who you are without being abused).
Most people have heard of “baby-proofing” a home to make it safe for newborns and toddlers.
This article will discuss a similar concept: Crazy-proofing. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been involved with a high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered or just plain crazy woman at least once already.